Mr. Salsich
English 9
27 April 2009
The Preemptive Strike:
An Essay on a Poem, a Short Story and my Life
1. Kindness is an idyllic thing in life; with it almost anything is possible because of the people by your side [loose sentence]. 2. Although, in order to obtain this blissful state, you must face a different type of occurrence. 3. This tends to be of a different status – one of pain and despair. 4. The poem “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye, the short story “Winter Dreams” by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and my life all compare to this in some way.
TS In Nye’s poem, many insights on kindness are revealed. SD She says that people cannot truly understand kindness until they “lost things” and they won’t comprehend sorrow until their “future dissolve[s] in a moment.” CM She says that, unless people “travel to where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road,” people will never understand the “tender gravity of kindness.” CM This all means that people must endure the hardships before they can be rewarded. SD Nye could have some advice for Dexter Green regarding this. CM At the beginning of the book, he has done nothing but prosper with his business and love life, so he fails and ends up unhappy in the end, but this is the best place to start. CM She would probably tell him to get back on his feet because when you have nothing to lose is the best time to start all over. CS Nye talks of starting with nothing and ending with many things, which can be applied to almost anything, including Dexter Green’s life.
TS In Fitzgerald’s short story, Dexter Green is a young man with a full life ahead of him. SD He starts out as a golf caddy where many of his co-workers are “poor as sin.” CM His father is quite rich from his grocery store, and Dexter caddies “only for pocket money.” CM He meets a girl named Judy Jones and falls into what he thinks is love, but it all ends in disaster – he becomes rich from a business but he loses Judy in the process, which ends in losing his happiness as well [loose sentence]. SD This contrasts with Nye’s poem perfectly. CM Nye realizes that you have to start low and end high, like selling stocks, but Fitzgerald brings Dexter in the opposite direction. CM As a result of not following the natural law of losing before gaining, Green is destroyed by his own regret. CS Green exclaims, “I cannot cry. I cannot care. That thing will come back no more.”
TS These two works connect to my life because I have to never give up – life gives you many things, and you should hold on to every one [appositive]. SD I must be wary [SAT word] of the bad things but accepting of the wise, purposeful, joyous, worthy things that life gives me [tetracolon climax]. CM As Nye says, “ you must lost things … before you know what kindness really is.” CM I have to deal with the deleterious [SAT word] “road blocks” before the good can come to me. SD For example, my team recently lost a lacrosse game. CM It was a big loss, by at least 8 goals. CM I have to use this advice and go to the next practice hoping for a win in the next game. CS The possibility of a “kindness” after the “future dissolve[s] in a moment” has to keep me going.
1. In the end, the act of adversity [SAT word] is more important than the kindness. 2. If one does not fall a little lower than normal, they will not fully understand and appreciate the seemingly meaningless act that can boost them up again. 3. One doesn’t understand the full happiness of life until they’ve experienced the full despair of it, and without the that, what are they left with? 4. A little excess happiness that has no real meaning to them?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Self-Assessment
1. Q: What am I most proud of in this essay?
A: I am very happy with my use of quotes in this essay. I tried my best to be specific and avoid being vague as much as possible.
2. Q: What was the hardest part of this assignment for you?
A: I had a hard time finding the right places to put the special tools. Sometimes they are a bit bunched together, but I couldn't find any other openings for them.
3 comments:
Timmy, great essay!I really liked how you boosted your vocabulary in this eesay- it fits with the senior status writing assignment! In your first paragraph, I think you may need a comma after "with it". Also, I didn't quite understand your second to last sentence in your concluding paragraph, but maybe I read it wrong. Overall, great essay! -Sarah=]
DT,
I ruved your essay! The first sentence was awesome and sounded like senior high school writing! I also liked your paragraph about Dexter Green, however, when you say, "Nye realizes that you have to start low and end high, like selling stocks, but Fitzgerald brings Dexter down in the opposite direction," I think you could get rid of down, it seems a little unnecessary. Also, when you use the word "sagacious," it seems a little forced and I think you could find a better word from the SAT list. Other than that, great job.
-Rydia
PS. You missed mighty kites practice on Sunday! What gives?
Timmy, when I read your essay, I was full of awe a.k.a your essay was awful (in a positive way of course.) Your first body paragraph was well-organized and clearly stated. Thanks to your simple sentences and good use of quotes, I understood it all perfectly. However, your use of SAT words seems a wee bit awkward and they sound out if place, making their meaning sort of confusing. Also, your topic sentence of your third body paragraph seems smushed and you jammed a lot of information into one sentence. Overall, super job and good luck polishing!
Post a Comment