English 09
Hamilton Salsich
19 May 2009
Forgetting, Regretting:
An Essay on a Passage, a Garden Stone and My Life
Everything and everyone goes through transformation at some given moment. May it be a physical transformation or a mental transformation, it’s constantly happening- a girl transforming into a woman, minerals transforming into a garden stone, words transforming into a passage. Everyday we are trasnforming our character and personality, turning transformation into a daily task [Participle Phrase]. Rainer Maria Rilke, a famous German poet, has undergone transformation every step of the way, and so have I.
TS Every day we undergo some sort of change- no matter what we are doing, we are transforming our lives. SD In Rainer Maria Rilke’s first passage, he says that “all that is good is transformation and all that is bad as well.” CM Transformation does not discriminate against anyone or anything, it just does its job and moves on [Personification]. CM In our everyday lives, our moral decisions can either transform us into a better person, or transform us into something different. CM Your life’s future “depends so much on your [decisions,]” even when you don’t know “[what is] about to happen next.” SD He also states that “ as long as it happened within him, in his center, […] then he [] has nothing else to fear […]” CM Meaning, if he makes an immoral decision and it transforms him to be something different then what he expected, it is neither good or bad, as long as he chose from the heart. CM As long as his heart led him through the tedious [FAST] process of elimination, he has transformed to better himself. CS “When things sense our avid interest,” we tend to pull back from them. CS2 Next time, just go with the flow- let your heart lead you, and transform you into who you are.
TS The similarities between the lifeless, dull stone and the vivid, intelligent writing from Rilke, are not so obvious when looking at it for the first time [Antithesis]. SD The garden stone lies on the English table with no worries, no doubts, no troubles, no emotions, [Tetracolon Climax] but inside lies so much more than that. CM Inside, a complex world of unknown is to be found- a world that was “transformed” over the years into a magnificent garden stone. CM A buildup of minerals and a buildup of love transform this stone into a beauteous mark in a garden. SD When people see stones they don’t admire its beauty or admire its long journey it has went through, but judge on its outer layer. CM The stone then has no time to “reveal [its’] essence,” and people continue walking by. CM People don’t have that “avid interest” to stop for a moment and enjoy the true essence of the stone. CS Stones “are all that they can be” and can transform a dull garden into a masterpiece, but the world hasn’t seen this yet.
TS My mother once said, “don’t stay stuck on [one] situation, forget about it for now, and remember it for the future,” meaning to never forget what one has said and done to you. SD This quote, “it does not matter whether he then forgets or remembers,” contradicts with my mother’s quote. CM Rilke thinks that if one was “fully present” during a situation, then it does not matter if they forget or remember what had happened. CM I strongly disagree with this [Wanted Fragment]. CM Even if someone is “fully present” during a situation, that isn’t enough. SD You mustn’t hold a grudge to anyone or anything, but by never forgetting something shows that you’ve learned a significant matter from the circumstance. CM By never forgetting you can hold it closely to you when a matter comes at hand, and it could teach you right from wrong. CM By never forgetting, it shows that you truly were “fully present” and that you care about it immensely [Fast, Purposeful Repetition]. CS So when you get caught in between two matters don’t just let one go, dig down into your past and reminisce on what’s right and wrong.
Forgetting and Regretting, our minds constantly resort to these things [Participle]. If something bad was to happen to you, would you void [FAST] it and forget it, or would you absorb its’ tasteful knowledge and learn from it [Personification]? My mother would tell you“[not to] ever forget or regret, remember it for the future-“these words of wisdom have transformed me into the young woman I am today. As for Rilke, he should learn that forgetting isn’t always key, and as for the garden stone, it shall stay transforming until it becomes the best it can be.
3 comments:
Dear Sarah,
I much liked your use of purposeful repetition with "never forgetting" because it brought out a nice flare! You may want to look over the definition of tetracolon climax again because I think you need 4 parts of repetition instead of 3. In addition, the you labeled "forgetting and regretting" as an appositive, but I believe it is actually a participle phrase. ¡Buena suerte!
Sarah-
Fantabulous job on your essay! I liked how you focused on the theme of transformation throughout and I especially liked your paragraph on the garden stone. I was a little confused about what you were trying to say with the sentence in the intro paragraph that was a participle phrase. I dont really see where daily tasks play into the essay. Also, in the TS of the first body paragraph, you need a comma after "doing." This has the potential to become a phenomenal essay! Good luck polishing
Fantastic essay Sarah! Your use of Tetracolon Climax is especially outstanding. It blends right in as though it wasn't even a required tool. (Although as Timmy said before, you need four parts of repetition instead of three.) However, I'm a little confused on what exactly you are trying to say in the second body paragraph. Try taking out some of your more descriptive words and phrases (although they are very nice) and use the extra space to clarify what you're trying to say. Also, I noticed a few usage errors, so remember to proofread you're essay. Good luck polishing!
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