Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 21st, 2009
Rearranging Your Senses:
An Essay About a Passage, a Garden Stone and My Life
We’ve heard them all before, those inspirational quotes about “living life to the fullest” and “act as though there is no tomorrow.” While some like these simple, generic quotes, some need more, an explanation on how exactly to achieve this coveted (FAST) way to live openly. Rainer Maria Rilke is one of those people that gives a reason, a way, a form of instruction (Tricolon) on how and why one should treasure life and all its opportunities, because soon it could be gone. While Rilke speaks these words, the garden stone from the English room and myself are living them.
TS What Rilke is saying in this passage is to treat your sense of touch like your sense of sight. SD In the first line, Rilke states that your sight is “the most authentic [way] of acquiring something.” CM By this he means that when you see something, it is the real thing, no editing, no fabrications, just the truth. CM With our hands, we can lie to ourselves, and feel what we want to feel, and grasp what we want to grasp, but with our sight, we see it for how long it is there, and when time is up, it disappears. SD Rilke also says, “If God made our hands to be like our eyes[…]then we could truly acquire wealth.” CM Our eyes don’t have any choice but to see and “grasp” and “relinquish things.” CM Unlike our eyes, our hands can close for however long they want and refuse to take hold of an opportunity when it offers its hand. CM Rilke is essentially saying that if our hands could have no choice but to grab onto everything that comes into view, there would be no hesitance and we could “acquire wealth” by experiencing everything. TS Rilke is saying there is a great benefit that comes with keeping an open mind and an open palm.
TS So simple, so solid, so emotionless, so still, (Tetracolon Climax) the garden stone’s relationship with the Rilke passage isn’t obvious, but once searched for, it is there. (Appositive Opener) SD The garden stone that lies so inanimately (FAST) in the English classroom can’t experience seeing out of two eyes, two windows to the truth, and yet it still has some of the same characteristics as our eyes do. CM Rilke is explaining in this passage that we can’t close our eyes and block out the world, seeing only what we want to see. CM The garden stone is like our eyes, unprotected from what is placed on it everyday and forced to experience everything, for it cannot refuse to view a scene in front of it. SD With our eyes always open, there is never a scene that we can miss due to refusing to see it. CM This constant viewing of every single thing in the world lets our eyes take hold of every opportunity because they are incapable of declining the offer. CM The garden stone can relate to the inability of voicing its hesitance towards doing something. CM3 The garden stone probably didn’t want to be picked up from its original habitat and brought into a dark, crowded room, but because it couldn’t refuse the move, it experienced it and might have “truly acquired wealth.” CS The garden stone is open, available to be placed anywhere and sit on anything, and because of its willingness to experience everything, it could gain some true “wealth.”
TS I agree entirely with what Rilke is saying in this passage. SD I think that many people, including myself, have missed opportunities due to stubborn, closed fists. CM We can’t help but hold on to what we want and shake our heads at what we refuse. (Antithesis) CM If we grasp onto all that is handed to us, even what we feel hesitant to hold, we can gain the “wealth” of knowledge of everything in the world. SD I hope that this quote will stay with me in the next four years of my life, as well as the years to come. CM One of the main reasons I am going to boarding school next year is because I will have more options in terms of experiencing and exploring the world than I would back home. CM This quote inspires me to cherish (FAST) these opportunities and approach them with an open mind, for I only have one chance to experience it. CS I read these wise words of Rilke’s, knowing that they will be something I’ll carry on my journey next year and years following that one. (Participle Closer)
“Live life to the fullest,” “act as though there is no tomorrow,” “Acquire wealth [by] [being] ready to grasp [anything that comes at you.]” There are many ways to say it, but only a few ways to do it. “[Let] [y]our hands be like y[our] eyes” and experience all that is handed to you.
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Self Assessment
What was the hardest part of this assignment for you?
I had a hard time fitting in all the writing tools. Participles and appositives are really difficult for me to fit into my writing without sounding very obvious.
What is your greatest strength in this essay?
I think my third body paragraph was pretty darn good. It was simple and clear without any extra words.
3 comments:
Dear Ceilie,
Your essay was supercalafragalisticexpialidoshus (that's how I spell it at least.) I really liked how you tried to relate to the reader in the beginning. I know it hooked me in! However, you may want to change your examples of tetracolon climax because I believe they need 4 parts, not 3. Also, the last sentence of your opening paragraph starts with "and," which I don't believe is superior high school writing. =0. All in all, I wish you good luck with the polishing.
~Timmy
Ceilie, nice essay! (Andbtw Timmy its supercalifragilisticexpialidocious) In your first body paragraph, you say "Rilke is saying," but you said it before, so I think you should say "Rilke says." Also, I think you should find another FAST word. I feel like there are more interesting words than "cherish." I really liked your concluding paragraph. I thought it summarized everything beautifully. Great job!
I really liked your concluding paragraph, and I liked how it related back to the previous ones. Your entire essay was great, although I did find a few minor errors in the first two body paragraphs. You start the concluding sentence of your first body paragraph with "in the end," which doesn't seem like a very strong way to finish off such a fine paragraph. In the second chunk of the second body paragraph, you start two sentences with "With..." This may just be me being picky, but I think you should change one of them because to me, this sounds like an attempt at purposeful repetition that was abandoned. Other than that, splendid work!
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