Ceilie's Essay #10

Cecilia Moore
English 9
Mr. Salsich
January 12th, 2009

Exploring My Independence:

An Essay On Overcoming A Challenge

Being on my own is something I used to dread. I would shudder at the idea of independence and cringe imagining myself without someone by my side. It wasn’t that I needed to depend on someone all the time, but just the idea of having to survive on my own in an unfamiliar environment without a friendly face next to me, scared me. Then, one summer I found myself in this exact situation, having the time of my life and overcoming a fear.
My mother told me last winter that she signed me up for a three-week long summer program at Wellesley College called Exploration Summer Programs, or for short, Explo. At first, I was beyond excited. It was a program in which we pick out a couple of courses, ones that you would rarely get to experience, and let ourselves thrive in this environment of creative learning. I had my courses picked out and the application was in the mail, when I asked my mom how long this program went on for.

“Three weeks,” she casually replied, with a simple, lighthearted smile on her face.

Once her words registered in mind, the contrast between our expressions was like comparing night and day. My heart sank into my stomach and my facial features told the world how I was feeling-terrified.

A couple months later, I found myself on the Wellesley College campus, standing where I had dreaded being ever since I found out how long I was going to be imprisoned there. It was the hottest day in June so far, and the sun was melting my skin. The car ride was awful. I couldn’t stop thinking about the “What ifs?” that could happen during my time there, but actually standing on Explo soil, brought on a whole new wave of those nagging questions. As I was waiting with my mom for my luggage to come to my dorm, I couldn’t help but look around and pick out who I would be a friend with out of the three-hundred-something kids that were there. I hated not knowing anyone, and I hated watching people who did know each other, have the clear intention of keeping the newcomers to bond with only themselves. I wanted so badly for the three weeks to fly by and to be back home with people I knew surrounding me.

In the end, the three weeks did fly by and before I knew it, I was on the quad, crying when my mom pulled up to take me away from the most amazing twenty-one days ever. I made a lot of friends, two of which I grew unbelievably close to, and during my courses, I learned and experienced so many new things that I never would be able to do back home.

What I learned about myself from this experience is that I’m more capable of being independent than I think. The first few days at Explo, I was walking around, only knowing a few people, and even though I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle making it through the day without relying on someone I knew, I actually had no problem. I even had fun being on my own and doing what I wanted to do without a group of friends that I had already established pinning me down to one lunch table.lIt also taught me that to overcome a fear, I usually have to come face-to-face with it and defeat it. During my time at Explo, I was outside my comfort zone for the first half of it, but for the entire time I was there, I was making new friends and learning new things, even if I wasn’t at ease every second of the way.