Ceilie's Exam Essay

Ceilie Moore
Mr. Salsich
English 9
June 4th, 2009

Riding the Unexpected Wave:

An Essay on a Poem and Two Characters from Two Stories

We have our schedules, our calendars, clocks and alarms. We use these tools to plan for things, to alert us when it is time to continue on to our next activity and to tell us when something is about to happen. But there are those things, good and bad, that we just can’t jot down on a calendar square or plug into our planner. In William Stafford’s poem, “Yes,” he explains the pros and cons of these unexpected events, while characters in Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” and Katherine Mansfield’s “The Garden Party,” experience them for themselves.

In Dickens’, “A Christmas Carol,” the main character Ebenezer Scrooge doesn’t understand the value of life and all of what comes with it. He lives holed up in his house full of anger and vacant of joy (Antithesis), dwelling on the past. Stafford speaks in his poem of the unexpected disasters that “could happen any time,” and Scrooge was a victim of an unplanned catastrophe when his only friend lost his life. For a series of nights, ghosts took Scrooge to see his unfortunate past, pitiful present and the future result of his uncivil behavior. (Purposeful Repetition of an adjective and a noun) After seeing his ill-fated future, Scrooge awoke and suddenly appreciated every ounce of goodness he had been ignoring. He had come to the conclusion that bad things “could happen any time,” but good ones, such as “sunshine, love [and] salvation” could too. Scrooge had lived a majority of his life cursing the world for the unexpected passing of his dear friend, but in the end he realized that the finer things in life can be as much of a surprise as the terrible ones.

In Mansfield’s short story, “The Garden Party,” Laura, a young, compassionate girl, is immune to the unexpected arrival of a good thing, but shaken by the abrupt entrance of a bad one. Laura is planning her first garden party, which is an honor and rite of passage in the world she lives in. On the day of the party, it is brought to her attention that a man, one she had never met, died on the street near her house. Growing up in such an affluent environment, Laura had barely been exposed to something as austere (FAST) as death. She had never understood the power of such an unexpected event, because while others lived with “no guarantee in […] life,” Laura lived with nothing but what was to be predicted. Even when something unplanned did occur, the suddenness of it was masked with luxury and lavishness (FAST). This death not only taught Laura about the unfortunate, unanticipated occurrences in life, but the precious ones as well. Throughout this traumatic experience, Laura came out with the appreciation for the “bonuses” that come with her life, such as “morning, […] noon, […] evening,” and money and security and shelter (Polysyndeton). Although Laura had to learn the hard way about the difficulties of an unexpected situation, she emerged from it all with the newfound value for all the “bonuses” and “guarantees” she has.

The unexpectedness of death, “tornado[es],” war and “earthquake[s]” can make the devastating situation, that much more wretched. The surprise of “love,” friendship and “salvation,” can make the joyous occurrence that much more pleasurable. And sometimes, it’s just the added “bonus” of “sunshine” on a day that was supposed to be cloudy, that just makes you appreciate the little things in life. Learn a lesson from Stafford, Scrooge and Laura and remember things don’t always go according to plan, but with another surprise, it can all be turned around.

Lydia's Exxam Essay

Lydia Schulz
Mr. H. Salsich
9 English
June 4, 2009

Finding a Place:
An Essay on a Poem, a Poet, and Sonny

What do you have to do to find your place in the world? Do you have to overcome obstacles, or is your fate right in front of you, waiting for you to see it? Either way, finding your calling is not an easy task. In his poem “The Real Work,” Wendell Berry describes the fact that you may have to make an effort to find your place, a lesson that both Rainer Maria Rilke and Sonny are aware of.

“The Real Work,” by Wendell Berry only consists of six lines, but within this short poem, you can find many life lessons. The first half of this poem talks about finding your calling. When you are always looking for answers, you may dismiss something you have had all along. If we put aside this search, “we no longer know what to do,” and with this blessed ignorance, “we have come to our real work.” The last two lines of this poem, in which Berry states “the mind that is not baffled is not employed. / The impeded streams is the one that sings,” remind me of a Native American proverb I have seen in Mr. Williams’ classroom. The proverb says that “the soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears,” meaning that to become a better person, you must overcome adversity (Loose Sentence). You may suffer in this process, but you will come out a stronger and wiser person than you were before. Occasionally, all you need to do to improve your life is to take stock of what you have and fight for what you deserve (purposeful repetition).

This poem reminds me of two people we studied at the very beginning of the year: Sonny, from James Baldwin’s “Sonny’s Blues,” and Rainer Maria Rilke. In our first essay assignment, we wrote about a passage by Rilke, which told readers not to “search for the answers” you already have. Like Wendell Berry, Rilke is encouraging readers to let the answers come to them instead of spending all their time looking for them. If you are always searching for the answers, you may miss the ones that were sitting in front of you the entire time. A significant connection this poem has with “Sonny’s Blues” is the last line: “the impeded stream is the one that sings.” Sonny had a rough patch in life, dealing with drugs and life as a musician (participle), which culminated in his incarceration (FAST). When Sonny finally got clean, he was able to use all of what he went through in his music, contributing such raw emotion to his performances. Sonny did some terrible things, but when he stopped looking for a way to fit in, he found his place.

Nothing in life is free, but this doesn’t mean that we should spend our lives searching for answers we will never find. Life may throw obstacles at us, but it is up to us to rise above it all and change for the better. Yes, life can be tough, but this is no reason to give up our right to live. Keep fighting, and always remember to acknowledge what you already have.

Timmy's Exam Essay

Timmy O’Brien

Mr. Salsich

English 9

4 June 2009

 

The Luck of the Draw:

A Poem’s Relation to Two Fictional Lives

 

         In life, there is nothing but chances. You do not know your future, and you make decisions based on what you hope and expect to see there. Both Dexter Green and Ebenezer Scrooge had chances, and they took them differently. The choices they made have a connection to the poem “Yes” by William Stafford.

         In the short story “Winter Dreams” by F. Scott Fitzgerald, Dexter Green had many chances to take. He started out as a caddy at a local country club, and meets the love of his life, or so he thinks. He falls in love with Judy, and she is his “sunshine, love, [and] salvation.” Then it all falls apart. He experiences the “tornado, earthquake, [and] Armageddon” that Stafford says can “happen any time.” Judy leaves him, and Green is plunged [FAST] into a dark time of despair and hopelessness. Even as he builds himself more and more wealth, he feels as though something is missing from his life. Throughout his existence, he experiences “love” and “Armageddon” and finally learns that there are “no guarentees in [his] life.”

         On the contrary, Ebenezer Scrooge – a character in Charles Dickens’ “The Christmas Carol” – reflects this poem in a more positive light [appositive]. In his adult life, the assiduous [SAT word] Scrooge has known nothing but “tornado[es]” and other destructive forces. His entire working life has been spent sheltered in his dreary shop, with nothing to brighten the mood, not even an extra coal on the fire. He is totally, utterly, hopelessly depressed, and there is no way out for him [tricolon], or so it seems. One night, a mysterious ghost comes to him and tells him about the Christmas’ of his past. The next night, another ghost makes him see his present Christmas’, and the night after, he is shown his Christmas’ to come by a final ghost. The sad times behind and ahead of him are somewhat inspiring, so he breaks out of his shell an helps a child in need. In this book, Scrooge starts out as lonely person, but by sharing his wealth and happiness, he emerges and experiences the “bonuses” of “morning,” “noon,” and “evening,” by saving a life that would have been be otherwise lost – Tiny Tim.

         When Green gained Judy and lost her soon after, it was all chance. When Scrooge made the decision to help the boy, it was based on chance. Both of their lives were made around the process of not knowing what was to come. All they were able to do was keep thier mind, eyes, ears, and heart [tetracolon climax] open and hope for the best.

Sarahs Second Post =]

Lydia's idea of listing memories with everyone in the class, was a very brilliant idea, so I think I will try to do the same.

Hannah- All of our fond Jonas Brother moments, and seeing Miley Cyrus in concert

Kyle- ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH MOMENTS and you dressing up as Paris Hilton (haha)

Teddy- Three words * voice over command *

Lydia- Dancing to Usher at Ceilie's house, me waking up in the morning to a face full of drawings thanks to you, Scarlet and Ceilie

Scarlet- sipping red bull, making awesome videos and dancing in the rain

Anna- "Who stole my wig, whoever did shall pay"

Parker- Going to six flags, making you go on Superman

Gabe- wrestling with Shian and Amber, and our "awkward" times with Sofia at your house

Rashad- "pop champagne" and 

Julie- shampoo bottles...hehe=] and shopping with the frenchies

Kate- chhhhheeeetahliscious!

Caroline- we've had way too many memories hun, but the one that first came to mind was snowboarding in Vermont (well attempting to) 

Zack- TRICK-OR-TREATING

Eleanor- KIDZ BOP!

Tristan and Timmy-  This goes for you both because our play we made (along with Hannah) was so unbelievably awesome I almost died

Kimo- arguments... many many arguments 

Olivia- halloween parties, feeling 

Ty- nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom....and so on.

Wendell- Getting sugar high in downtown Westerly off of ice cream, soda and pizza

Ceilie's Essay #21

Ceilie Moore

Mr. Salsich 

English 9

May 28th, 2009

 Remembering the Place That Shaped Us:

My Last Essay On a Poem and My Life

Remember that special place that you spent years of your life, growing, learning and becoming the person you are today? Remember how one day, you just stopped going there for one reason or another, and then watched as it became covered in dust and vines of ivy started growing up the sides? Go back there, go back to that special place and relive every second you had there, reminding yourself why you loved it and had to leave it. That’s what William Wordsworth did with “Tintern Abbey” and that is what I hope to do years from now with Pine Point.

TS In William Wordsworth’s, “Tintern Abbey” a major theme of remembering a past life through familiar surroundings. SD It has been “five years” since Wordsworth has been to Tintern Abbey, and once he arrives, the recognizable environment is the key that unlocks the memories he made there. CM In the first stanza, he is noticing all of the details of the earth around him and remembering them from years before as he says, “Once again .../ do I behold these steep and lofty cliffs […] Once again I see …/ of sportive wood run wild.” CM The way the “landscape” looked seemed to be the same as it was “five years” before, triggering his memory as he began to remember more than just the lay of the land. SD With this familiar setting bringing back letting Wordsworth reminisce about the time he once spent there, he also remembers how much the place meant to him. CM In the last stanza, Wordsworth states, “That after many wanderings, many years …/ of absence, these steep woods and lofty cliffs …/ and this green pastoral landscape, were to me …/ more dear, both for themselves and for thy sake.” CM By this he means that the “woods” the “cliffs” and “pastoral land” all signified how much this place of tranquility and passiveness benefited his life, and at the same time, he meant just as much to the land as it did to him. CS Surroundings did more than just jog Wordsworths’ memory, reminding him of the time he spent at “Tintern Abbey,” but also prompted how much the place meant to him that long “five years” before.

TS My reaction to entering the halls of Pine Point after five years would be very similar to Wordsworth’s reaction to seeing Tintern Abbey. SD I would recognize all the characteristics of the school, which would then welcome memories of the ten years I spent here to reenter my mind. CM Opening the double doors and stepping into the carpeted hallway would remind me of all the mornings I had been early to school and decided to kill time by dawdling at my locker and taking forever to unpack my book bag. CM My memories would sprout from more than just the vast, obvious features of Pine Point, but also from the things I have grown to notice over the past ten years. CM3 The “First-day-of-school-smell,” the small crevice (FAST) of space between the tall lockers, the mirror in the girls’ bathroom that distorts any body that stares into it and the breeze of warmth that overcomes the student who enters the English room in the wintertime, would all remind me of single, seemingly unimportant moments that have occurred due to each of those places. (Parallelism; Tetracolon Climax) SD Like Wordsworth, the sudden rush of reliving my past would also help me realize how much this school meant to me at the time, and still means to me now. CM In five years, I may have forgotten about all the lessons I learned, pertaining to both academics and life itself. CM Although I may have lost how much I value Pine Point in the shuffle of new textbooks, even longer essays and making new friends, turning back the clock and walking down these halls will awake the sleeping appreciation I have for Pine Point. (Personification) TS Much like Wordsworth, when I venture back to Pine Point in five years, I will be overwhelmed and overjoyed by all that I remember in each step I take down the hallway.

Imagine stepping back in time and returning to that favorite place of yours. What do you see? What do you hear, smell, even taste? Is it the same as you remembered, or so different it is unrecognizable? Either way, embrace the place, love it, remember it, and promise it you’ll never forget it.

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Self-Assessment

What Issues Am I Working On?

I am working on using required tools correctly and enhancing my writing with them. I am also working on eliminating unnecessary words and using a variation of short and long sentences. 

What Do I Like Best About This Essay?

I like my use of descriptives. From explaining the theme of "Tintern Abbey" to describing how I will feel in the future when I return to Pine Point after five years, I think I did a good job of giving good imagery while not overusing the adjectives. 

What Is a Possible Weakness I See In This Essay?

I didn't use as many quotes as I would have hoped to, which might make my writing come off as a bit vague. 

Timmy's Last Essay

Timmy O’Brien

Mr. Salsich

English 9

26 May 2009

Remembering is Everything:

An Essay on a Poem and My Experiences

Many things can happen in five years. People can die, or move, or get married, or even give new life [polysyndeton]. After five years, Wordsworth has decided to revisit an old Abbey in England with an old friend of his – his sister. I wonder what can happen to a place I love, such as Pine Point, in the short yet unpredictable time of five years.

In the poem “Tintern Abbey” by William Wordsworth, I see one main theme of remembrance. Wordsworth has come back to visit Tintern Abbey and says that “again [he] hear[s] th[o]se waters.” He remembers everything from five years ago. “The waters…th[o]se steep and lofty cliffs…the landscape…[and a] dark sycamore” are all familiar to him because of his memories. Also, as he sits with his sister along the river, he remembers his old life. “In [her] voice” he hears “the language of [his] former heart, and…former pleasures.” A simple trip into the woods with a dear, old friend helps to bring back not just former memories but even his whole life of childishness. Wordsworth is captivated by not just the beauty of the abbey but is also mystified by its power to bring back what had been lost to him – the thoughts of his old life [appositive].

If I came back to Pine Point in five years, I would hope to see the exact same hustle and bustle of daily life that I can see today. As my days wear on, I will remember Pine Point as a place that is always full of life. Even on the weekends, there are birds to be seen and heard, grass that is as green as ever, and, more often than not, people on the campus striving [FAST] to make the school a better place. People and things that are caught up in “its dizzy raptures” and “aching joys” that can’t help but be happy in the glorious place that is Pine Point. In addition to the desire to see life, I would wish joy upon the place that has given me so much joy. Wordsworth writes that he sometimes turns to Tintern abbey in “joyless daylight,” and I hope that, if for some reason I have lost my joy, I can turn to Pine Point and regain at least some of what I have lost. Pine Point has given me much of what I have, and I can only hope that I do not lose any of it. My only solace [FAST] is that I might be able to achieve “abundant recompence” and gain back the joy that I have lost.

Visiting memories of past places and people is a necessary part of life. It can be a church you once gazed at with awe, or a place that has helped you grow up into the person you are now. Either way, you must reflect on what you would be had they not impacted you. After all, what are you without your memories and past experiences, a simple soulless body with no evident purpose?

Lydia's Last Essay

Lydia Schulz

Mr. H. Salsich

9 English

26 May, 2009

My Dear, Dear Friend:

An Essay on a Poem and Pine Point

      
        It is difficult to describe what it feels like to see a friend after a long time apart. You may feel excitement, happiness, affection, or sentiment (tetracolon). William Wordsworth feels all of these when he visits his old friend after five years, but instead of about a person, he feels them about Tintern Abbey. Wordsworth is clearly sentimental about this place in his poem “Tintern Abbey,” and this is analogous (FAST) how I would feel if I were to return to Pine Point after five long years.
        It is clear that William Wordsworth feels a lot of sentiment and fondness toward Tintern Abbey. One instance in which he shows this is in his repetition of the word “again.” He states, “again I hear these waters,” and, “once again I see these hedge-rows,” showing the word’s importance (participle closer). Wordsworth is remembering how it felt to be in this place and everything that has happened to him in and around the Abbey. Wordsworth also shows his love for the place by calling it, “[his] dearest friend, [his] dear, dear, friend.” Clearly, Wordsworth looks at the Abbey not as a building, but as a companion. Likewise, what he remembers of his experiences there are more meaningful, like a memory you would share with a friend. Finally, Wordsworth refers to the Abbey as his “anchor,” which indicates the solidarity of the place. The Abbey is like a constant and is something he can count on to always be there. No matter what is going on, he can go to the Abbey and reflect. William Wordsworth shows an obvious love for the place in his poem “Tintern Abbey.”
        If I am to return to Pine Point after five years of absence, there is no doubt that I, like Wordsworth, will have missed it. Throughout the years to come, I will undeniably be thinking about the school and my past experiences. I will “oft[en], in spirit, […] turn[…] to [Pine Point],” and like Wordsworth, treat it as a friend. Walking these halls once more, echoes of past experiences and memories of the school will resurface and make me wish to return. However, as much as I may feel sentimental toward this place in which I have grown up, I will need to be reminded that “that time is past.” No matter how much I wish I could go back five years, I cannot, and this will not be the case five years from now. By the time I am twenty years old, the memories of Pine Point will seem like a distant, happy time, and I know I will wish I could do it all again. Upon my return to Pine Point, I am certain I will have mixed, but mostly sentimental, feelings.
        Though my time at Pine Point is almost past, I know it will always be a home to me. Much like William Wordsworth’s sanctuary, Pine Point has been a safe place for me, and will continue to be in years to come. I can only hope that, like Wordsworth, I will have the chance to come back to this place: “my dear, dear friend.”

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Self-assessment:

1. One of my main issues that I have is that I occasionally don't proofread very well. In this essay, I made a point to read through the entire essay carefully to eliminate careless mistakes. 

2. My favorite thing about this essay was my use of quotes. I feel that all of my quotes are relevant and fit in well with the essay.

3. One weakness I see in this essay is my first body paragraph. I am afraid that I may have been a little repetitive in the first chunk.

Sarahs LAST ESSAY =]

Sarah Shourds
English 09
Hamilton Salsich
26 May 2009

Reminiscing on the Past:

An Essay on Two Poems and Pine Point School

“Five years […], five summers, […] five long winters.” What would you do if you returned to your old school, and it was abandoned? What would you do if you didn’t remember anything about your old school, and when you did, you didn’t care in the least? If I was to visit Pine Point in five years I would probably have the same reaction as William Wordsworth when he visited his beloved, enchanted place- Tintern Abbey.

TS In the poem “Tintern Abbey,” by William Wordsworth, one strong theme is painted into his writing- reminiscing. SD “The day [had] come when [he]” decided to revisit his serene and secluded church. CM Five years had blinded him from his enchanted place, five years grew unwanted grass on the floors, five years abandoned this once famous church. CM “Through a long absence,” his once get-away-escape had transformed from a beautiful, blessed church, to a bare, roofless estate. SD Wordsworth had never truly forgotten about Tintern Abbey, but thinking about those five years that had already passed in which he didn’t visit the church, made him think. CM He would visit the church to get away from everything- to escape from his busy, bustling life [Alliteration]. ÇM He remembers the “feelings […] of unremembered pleasure” that the church and the luscious [FAST] nature around it would vent off, and wishes he would have kept to his tradition of visiting this majestic [FAST] place. CS Sure Wordsworth cannot rewind the last five years and keep to his promise towards the Tintern Abbey, but at least he was able to remember and feel the same tranquil feeling as he did five years ago.

TS Five years from now I hope to come to Pine Point to not only find all of my old teachers, but I want to be able to sit on Doc’s creaky couch, play basketball on the squeaky gym floor, play bongos in Ms. Lozis’s room, and I want to be able to dance across the ever so famous stage. SD All of these places have so much meaning and many memories [Alliteration] built into them. CM “The day [will] come when I [make my voyage back to Pine Point] again [and] repose here.” CM If I was to return and see no stage, no Mr. T, no gym, and no couch or bongos, I would be devastated beyond my capacity. SD Reminiscing on the past would be the only thing that will keep this school alive in my memory, and like Wordsworth, I will have to treasure what’s left of the beauteous landmark even “[t]hough changed, no doubt, from what [it] was.” CM I have been at Pine Point for twelve years and, truthfully, this school just isn’t the same- the Big Toy isn’t lying in the pebbles and the Black Top isn’t being played on anymore [Loose Sentence]. CM After going through these hard changes I’ve learned that changes can be for the better, but you must always prize [FAST] those fond memories you’ve had. CS All of the changes that will happen at Pine Point will be for the better, and we must learn not to carry “the heavy and […] weary weight” of being stuck in the past.

TS In the poem “The Writer” by Richard Wilbur, it has many of the same themes and virtues [FAST] as Wordsworth does in “Tintern Abbey.” SD “[Wilbur] remember[s] the dazed starling[,] which was trapped in that very room” and was “humped and bloody.” CM This small remembrance stayed fastened in his memories- the “iridescent creature” flies through his thoughts. SD One day he “hear[s] […] a commotion of type-writer keys” from his daughter’s bedroom and it brings him back to the very day “the dazed starling” entered his heart. CM Every pause his daughter made brought him back to when he doubted the bird’s health and boldness [FAST]. CM Every swipe of the type-writer brings him back to that vivid scene in his mind, almost as though he is portraying his daughter as the “iridescent creature.” CS This “starling” has taught Wilbur to never give up on himself, no matter how tough the situation. CS2 Even if a vivid scenery in his mind has changed overtime into his daughters life, he must learn to trust her bravery and freedom and let her “lift[] off from [his memories] […and] beat a smooth course for the right window.”

Small, pointless objects found anywhere can trigger my memory of Pine Point School. I hope to never lose any of the lessons I’ve learned here or any of the memories I’ve made here. I know that Pine Point will change immensely [FAST] over the next few years, but I hope to be like Wordsworth- come back to this wondrous place and take in all of the fond memories I’d had there. “Nor wilt thou then forget, that after many wanderings, many years of absence, [this school] were to me more dear, both for themselves and for thy sake!”

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Self Assessment

1.) In this essay I was working on sticking to the point, and using the tools efficiently. I normally stick in tools out of place, or stick them in incorrectly. In this essay, I just wrote it through and picked out tools I thought worked.

2.) I liked my extra credit body paragraph. I think I used brief quotes accordingly and styed on focus. I also liked my opening paragraph- using two questions will keep the reader thinking.

3.) My weakness in this essay would have to be my concluding paragraph. I had a hard time summarizing everything, since there was so much material.

Timmy's Essay 20

Timmy O’Brien
Mr. Salsich
English 9
13 May 2009

Hands are the Biggest Burdens of All:

An Essay on a Quote, a Garden Stone, and my Life

When you first acquire a new object or machine, you cannot properly use it. You have to take some time to get to know it; you could read the manual or just play around with it. No matter what, you will soon be able to control your object in a masterful manner by never turning down a new piece of information about how to better use it. Rilke believes that hands are like this to humans, which connects to a stone from the garden and the game of lacrosse.

In a quote by Rainer Maria Rilke beginning with “Seeing is for us…” there are many underlying meanings. To start, Rilke talks about “our hands” being “coffin[s]” that trap what we hold. He says that if we cannot learn to let go of what our hands long to keep with them, we cannot continue to learn. When eyes see, they do not keep that instant of vision with them because they must let it go in order to attain [FAST] more sights, and, in turn, they become more knowledgeable. If we cannot learn to do this, we cannot “truly acquire wealth.” Our hands must learn to let the things they cherish go. For example, when someone picks up a bird or bug to study, they must let it go eventually to go search for something different to look at, giving them a chance to gain wealth in the form of knowledge [participle as a sentence closer]. Our hands are very important to the way we live, but they could be more important if we could teach them to hold on to nothing and let go of everything [antithesis].

Upon first glance, Rilke’s quote does not have much in common with the garden stone, but if one digs deeper, a myriad [FAST] of mysteries are unveiled. Rilke wishes that our hands were “willing to relinquish all things,” which we have not yet been able to do, but this is a possibility for the garden stone. The rock has already “relinquish[ed]” everything, owning nothing to begin with [participle phrase as a closer]. It is therefore in the perfect place to take everything in and acquire the maximum amount of wealth possible for a stone of its stature. In addition, Rilke states that we can only gain wealth “by letting everything pass through [our] grasp” like it is a “festive gate of return and homecoming.” While it was still part of the path, the stone was that “festive gate” because people walked over it everyday on their way into the school. It had all the people in its grasp but let them go in the same manner – quickly, quietly, freely, happily [tetracolon climax and asyndeton]. An innocent yet knowing object, this garden stone has “acquire[d] wealth” through measures beyond its control, the simple act of people passing by and leaving their knowledge in their footsteps on the dirty stone path.

Rilke’s talks about things “pass[ing] through” everyone’s “grasp” so that we can have space to learn more, which relates to my lacrosse career. Whenever the lacrosse ball is passed to me, I have to let go of it somehow. I can pass it, shoot it, or drop it. No matter which way I choose, the game continues on. If our hands do not let things pass through them, they cannot learn to their full potential, which is like lacrosse because things have to keep moving. A fast-paced and physical sport, lacrosse does not live up to its full potential when the ball is stationary [appositive as a sentence opener]. If someone is passed the ball, and they stand still, waiting for things to happen without making a move themselves, the game will be very boring for spectators and players alike. Hands must learn to give things up in order to take on new ones, and lacrosse must be a game of teamwork and moving the ball unless you want the game to go nowhere.

Hands are a vital part of our lives, but we don’t use them very well. If they sometimes forgot their original purpose to hold things and let information pass through, we could live in a different way. Your hands could let information pass over them like a stone at the entrance to a path or a lacrosse ball being passed over and over again during a game. In the grand scheme of things, do your hands help your acquiring of wealth, or do they hinder it?

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Self Assessment

Q:What was the hardest part of this assignment for you?

A: It was hard for me to get all my thoughts down in a somewhat organized manner.

Q: What is your greatest strength in this essay?

A: I think I used most of my special tools well. They were in the right places and had the meaning I wanted.

Lydia's Essay 20

Lydia Schulz

Mr. H. Salsich

9 English

May 22, 2009

A Life Changing Occurance:

An Essay on a Passage, a Stone, and My Life

        Nothing is ever done the same way twice. Every occurrence is a unique and unmatched event, and because of this, we cannot afford to let them slip by. We must take full advantage of every opportunity and treat it as it deserves to be treated- important and irreplaceable. In a passage by Rainer Maria Rilke, in a flat garden stone, and in my own life, these slices of wisdom hold true.
        In this passage by Rainer Maria Rilke, two sentences in particular stood out. Rilke states that life is transformation, and “for this, he is in the right who encounters everything as something that will not return.” This means that we should take advantage of everything that comes our way- love it, learn it, experience it, appreciate it (tetracolon climax and asyndeton)- because you never know when something will disappear. We should make the most of the present before it slips away. In the beginning of this passage, Rilke says that “life is transformation,” and that all aspects of life change. Your very existence is constantly shifting and manipulating (FAST) itself into something different, whether it is for better or for worse. These alterations can easily go unnoticed, but they are nonetheless important. In his somewhat Buddhist philosophies, Rilke expresses many essential pieces of wisdom in life.
        Unlike life, a stone never changes. Stone is ancient; every stone you see has come from the monstrous rocks formed billions of years ago (loose sentence). The elements may erode this sturdy form into smaller boulders and rock, but the material itself is always the same. A piece of gravel you pick up from the ground may be millions of years old, but because of its unchanged appearance, you would never know. The same goes for this garden stone, and yet, it contradicts itself. Stone does change, breaking and crumbling and being compressed to form another stone(participle as sentence closer). It’s slate gray color telling the story of its past, this garden stone was cut to become something new, transforming it (appositive as sentence opener). The material itself never changes, but the stone is always changing (antithesis).
        In this passage, Rilke says that “he is in the right who encounters everything as something that will not return,” a philosophy I try to remember every day. One goal I have for myself is that I will be able to look back on my life without regrets. I know that this is difficult to accomplish and I will inevitably regret something, but I want to endeavor (FAST) to live every moment as if it were my last. I would like to look back on the messes I have gotten myself into and know that although they got me in trouble, they were worth it. Recently, I came to the realization that our class will never be a class again. Although this thought scares me, it has reminded me that our time together is limited and that we should appreciate every opportunity we get. We should make our last few weeks at Pine Point the best and take full advantage of each other’s company. Every time we remark on how we are sick of Pine Point, we should remember to appreciate it while it lasts, because we won’t get a second chance.
        You may never know how things might have been, but why wonder when you could experience it for yourself? If you take advantage of every situation, you will never be able to look back on your life with “what if’s.” These decisions can change everything, contributing to the swirling and stirring of the concoction that is our lives. Even something as simple as a garden stone has gone through the shifting process because, as Rilke states, “life is transformation.”

Ceilie's Essay #20

Ceilie Moore
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 21st, 2009

Rearranging Your Senses: 

An Essay About a Passage, a Garden Stone and My Life

We’ve heard them all before, those inspirational quotes about “living life to the fullest” and “act as though there is no tomorrow.” While some like these simple, generic quotes, some need more, an explanation on how exactly to achieve this coveted (FAST) way to live openly. Rainer Maria Rilke is one of those people that gives a reason, a way, a form of instruction (Tricolon) on how and why one should treasure life and all its opportunities, because soon it could be gone. While Rilke speaks these words, the garden stone from the English room and myself are living them.

TS What Rilke is saying in this passage is to treat your sense of touch like your sense of sight. SD In the first line, Rilke states that your sight is “the most authentic [way] of acquiring something.” CM By this he means that when you see something, it is the real thing, no editing, no fabrications, just the truth. CM With our hands, we can lie to ourselves, and feel what we want to feel, and grasp what we want to grasp, but with our sight, we see it for how long it is there, and when time is up, it disappears. SD Rilke also says, “If God made our hands to be like our eyes[…]then we could truly acquire wealth.” CM Our eyes don’t have any choice but to see and “grasp” and “relinquish things.” CM Unlike our eyes, our hands can close for however long they want and refuse to take hold of an opportunity when it offers its hand. CM Rilke is essentially saying that if our hands could have no choice but to grab onto everything that comes into view, there would be no hesitance and we could “acquire wealth” by experiencing everything. TS Rilke is saying there is a great benefit that comes with keeping an open mind and an open palm.

TS So simple, so solid, so emotionless, so still, (Tetracolon Climax) the garden stone’s relationship with the Rilke passage isn’t obvious, but once searched for, it is there. (Appositive Opener) SD The garden stone that lies so inanimately (FAST) in the English classroom can’t experience seeing out of two eyes, two windows to the truth, and yet it still has some of the same characteristics as our eyes do. CM Rilke is explaining in this passage that we can’t close our eyes and block out the world, seeing only what we want to see. CM The garden stone is like our eyes, unprotected from what is placed on it everyday and forced to experience everything, for it cannot refuse to view a scene in front of it. SD With our eyes always open, there is never a scene that we can miss due to refusing to see it. CM This constant viewing of every single thing in the world lets our eyes take hold of every opportunity because they are incapable of declining the offer. CM The garden stone can relate to the inability of voicing its hesitance towards doing something. CM3 The garden stone probably didn’t want to be picked up from its original habitat and brought into a dark, crowded room, but because it couldn’t refuse the move, it experienced it and might have “truly acquired wealth.” CS The garden stone is open, available to be placed anywhere and sit on anything, and because of its willingness to experience everything, it could gain some true “wealth.”

TS I agree entirely with what Rilke is saying in this passage. SD I think that many people, including myself, have missed opportunities due to stubborn, closed fists. CM We can’t help but hold on to what we want and shake our heads at what we refuse. (Antithesis) CM If we grasp onto all that is handed to us, even what we feel hesitant to hold, we can gain the “wealth” of knowledge of everything in the world. SD I hope that this quote will stay with me in the next four years of my life, as well as the years to come. CM One of the main reasons I am going to boarding school next year is because I will have more options in terms of experiencing and exploring the world than I would back home. CM This quote inspires me to cherish (FAST) these opportunities and approach them with an open mind, for I only have one chance to experience it. CS I read these wise words of Rilke’s, knowing that they will be something I’ll carry on my journey next year and years following that one. (Participle Closer)

“Live life to the fullest,” “act as though there is no tomorrow,” “Acquire wealth [by] [being] ready to grasp [anything that comes at you.]” There are many ways to say it, but only a few ways to do it. “[Let] [y]our hands be like y[our] eyes” and experience all that is handed to you.

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Self Assessment
What was the hardest part of this assignment for you?
I had a hard time fitting in all the writing tools. Participles and appositives are really difficult for me to fit into my writing without sounding very obvious.

What is your greatest strength in this essay?
I think my third body paragraph was pretty darn good. It was simple and clear without any extra words.

Sarah Essay 20

Sarah Shourds

English 09

Hamilton Salsich

19 May 2009

Forgetting, Regretting:

An Essay on a Passage, a Garden Stone and My Life

Everything and everyone goes through transformation at some given moment. May it be a physical transformation or a mental transformation, it’s constantly happening- a girl transforming into a woman, minerals transforming into a garden stone, words transforming into a passage. Everyday we are trasnforming our character and personality, turning transformation into a daily task [Participle Phrase]. Rainer Maria Rilke, a famous German poet, has undergone transformation every step of the way, and so have I.

TS Every day we undergo some sort of change- no matter what we are doing, we are transforming our lives. SD In Rainer Maria Rilke’s first passage, he says that “all that is good is transformation and all that is bad as well.” CM Transformation does not discriminate against anyone or anything, it just does its job and moves on [Personification]. CM In our everyday lives, our moral decisions can either transform us into a better person, or transform us into something different. CM Your life’s future “depends so much on your [decisions,]” even when you don’t know “[what is] about to happen next.” SD He also states that “ as long as it happened within him, in his center, […] then he [] has nothing else to fear […]” CM Meaning, if he makes an immoral decision and it transforms him to be something different then what he expected, it is neither good or bad, as long as he chose from the heart. CM As long as his heart led him through the tedious [FAST] process of elimination, he has transformed to better himself. CS “When things sense our avid interest,” we tend to pull back from them. CS2 Next time, just go with the flow- let your heart lead you, and transform you into who you are.

TS The similarities between the lifeless, dull stone and the vivid, intelligent writing from Rilke, are not so obvious when looking at it for the first time [Antithesis]. SD The garden stone lies on the English table with no worries, no doubts, no troubles, no emotions, [Tetracolon Climax] but inside lies so much more than that. CM Inside, a complex world of unknown is to be found- a world that was “transformed” over the years into a magnificent garden stone. CM A buildup of minerals and a buildup of love transform this stone into a beauteous mark in a garden. SD When people see stones they don’t admire its beauty or admire its long journey it has went through, but judge on its outer layer. CM The stone then has no time to “reveal [its’] essence,” and people continue walking by. CM People don’t have that “avid interest” to stop for a moment and enjoy the true essence of the stone. CS Stones “are all that they can be” and can transform a dull garden into a masterpiece, but the world hasn’t seen this yet.

TS My mother once said, “don’t stay stuck on [one] situation, forget about it for now, and remember it for the future,” meaning to never forget what one has said and done to you. SD This quote, “it does not matter whether he then forgets or remembers,” contradicts with my mother’s quote. CM Rilke thinks that if one was “fully present” during a situation, then it does not matter if they forget or remember what had happened. CM I strongly disagree with this [Wanted Fragment]. CM Even if someone is “fully present” during a situation, that isn’t enough. SD You mustn’t hold a grudge to anyone or anything, but by never forgetting something shows that you’ve learned a significant matter from the circumstance. CM By never forgetting you can hold it closely to you when a matter comes at hand, and it could teach you right from wrong. CM By never forgetting, it shows that you truly were “fully present” and that you care about it immensely [Fast, Purposeful Repetition]. CS So when you get caught in between two matters don’t just let one go, dig down into your past and reminisce on what’s right and wrong.

Forgetting and Regretting, our minds constantly resort to these things [Participle]. If something bad was to happen to you, would you void [FAST] it and forget it, or would you absorb its’ tasteful knowledge and learn from it [Personification]? My mother would tell you“[not to] ever forget or regret, remember it for the future-“these words of wisdom have transformed me into the young woman I am today. As for Rilke, he should learn that forgetting isn’t always key, and as for the garden stone, it shall stay transforming until it becomes the best it can be.

Timmy's Essay 19

Timmy O’Brien
Mr. Salsich
English 9
4 May, 2009

Partings and Reunions:

An Essay on Two Poems and my Life

Parting is a difficult subject for many to comprehend. It can be as simple as leaving your house for a day out, or as difficult as losing a loved one. Either way, it is a difficult thing to fully understand. A poem by Emily Dickinson, another poem by Naomi Shihab Nye, and my own life all have something in common with parting, reunion, or even both.

In the poem titled “My Life Closed Twice” by Emily Dickinson, many topics of parting are talked about. First, she mentions her own life “clos[ing] twice before its close.” Before her ultimate end – her death, she feels as though she has felt a sense of desolation [FAST] so deep it is comparable to the feeling of senselessness, stillness, darkness, and that of the unknown. She has felt her life end twice before its ultimate demise, and she still expects “immortality” to “unveil” a “third event to” her. Even though she has experienced endings, she cannot put them into understandable words. The parting of her life was “so huge [and] hopeless to conceive.” In other words, it was so dissimilar to anything in this world of ours, it must be of another nature. It was “all [the people knew] of heaven, and all [they needed] of hell.”

In Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem called “Adios”, there is much talk about parting and reunion. To begin, she says to “think of things that disappear.” She uses this to describe how the things we love best are usually the things that go away. When you love something, you notice it more, so when it is gone, you notice its absence. Oppositely, if there are things in your life that you do not particularly like, such as “leaves, cartons and napkins, the damp smell of mold,” it seems to “linger.” When these things leave, you tend not to notice it, so they never seem to go away. In contradiction to the things you love so much, the ones you are uninterested in may either leave or stay, either way they seem to be there. Finally, at the beginning of her poem, Nye describes the word “adios” as something you should “marry.” When someone marries, they usually unite with someone rather than part with him or her. Nye’s suggestion of “marry[ing] the word “goodbye” is a topic of reunion rather than parting. This poem contains many insights on both the notion [FAST] of parting and reunion.

In addition, there has been much parting in my life. As I look back on the grieving, the sadness, the hopelessness, and the despair, there are many things that stick out to me – the main one being my grandfather’s death in July 2006 [loose sentence]. When he passed away, he parted from my life entirely. There was no easy transition; he was here one moment and gone the next. This circumstance produced an option for two partings – his life from this Earth and our families becoming further apart. Obviously, he did part from Earth, but instead of parting from each other, our four families united. We stuck together and consoled each other, as one would do for someone they loved, and we all did love each other. My grandfather’s going brought parting into my life, but it brought reunion to it also.

Pain, grief, stress, preoccupation; I am affected by all of these things during parting [periodic sentence]. Other times, such as ones of reunion, I feel none of these things. In fact, I feel the opposite – enlightenment, happiness, and readiness. Even when things look terrible, there is always a decent happenstance ready to occur.

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Key:
Highlighted in red: special tools
Highlighted in blue: transitions
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Self-assessment

Q: What was the hardest part of this assignment for me?
A: I have been having trouble with loose and periodic sentences, but I think I used them well in this assignment.

Q: What am I most proud of in this assignment?
A: I am really happy with my sporadic use of tetracolon climax and purposeful repetition in this essay.

Ceilie's Essay #19

Ceilie Moore

Mr. Salsich 

English 9 

May 11th, 2009 

The Pain of Parting: 

An Essay on Two Poems and an Experience in My Life

What do we know of parting? Is it something that is temporary, or will the one who is leaving disappear into thin air? Are there different types of leaving, or is every farewell the same? In Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem, “Adios,” Emily Dickinson’s poem “My Life Closed Twice,” and an experience from my own life, we receive the answers to all these questions.

TS You can tell just from the name of Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem, “Adios,” that “parting” is a main theme. SD In the first stanza, Nye introduces us to the word “Adios,” which means “Goodbye” in Spanish. CM She tells us that it is “a good word[…]no matter what language you [speak.] CM By this, she means that the idea of parting from something and someone, and using the word “Goodbye” to do so, often has negative connotations (FAST), but Nye is encouraging us that it is a “good word” and to not be afraid of its meaning. SD Later on in the poem, Nye says, “Think of things that linger […] think of things that disappear.” CM Here, she is telling us that when something parts from you, there are still memories of it that stay, such as “leaves, cartons and napkins.” CM To contradict her first statement, Nye also reminds us that there are times when something parts all together and leaves no trace. SD In the second to last stanza, Nye rewords the age old saying, “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” CM However, Nye states it by saying, “[Think of] something that said ‘adios’ to you …/ before you knew what it meant …/ or how long it was for.” CM There are times that you never know how much you love something or long you will have something for, until it suddenly disappears from your grasp and parts from you forever. CS From just the title of this poem, you could guess it would be about the idea of parting, and inside each stanza and behind each word, the theory holds true.

TS The theme of parting is a little less obvious in Dickinson’s poem, “My Life Closed Twice” and takes some analyzing to understand. SD The first line reads, “My life closed twice before its close.” CM One would usually think of a life “clos[ing]” refers to death, but Dickinson is speaking more about the chapters of her life as opposed to life as a whole. CM These two chapters of her life probably “closed” when something significant occurred, such as a parting of an important person or object, or Dickinson herself parting from something of the same importance. SD In the second stanza, Dickinson mentions the more obvious way of parting, death. CM She says, “Parting is all we know of heaven.” CM What she means by this is that heaven is only known for being a place where you go after parting from the earth, and we don’t know much else. (Loose Sentence) CS Although the relationship between Dickinson’s poem and the theme of parting is hard to pinpoint, once you find it, the entirety of the poem makes sense.

TS In the next few months, I will have to experience the act of parting in two significant ways. (Periodic Sentence) SD First of all, I will be parting from twenty-one of my best friends and the school that has taught me, sheltered me and shaped me into the person I am today. CM I have been attending Pine Point for ten years, and in about one month, I will have to leave the only place I have ever known and venture (FAST) off to a new school. CM I will not only be parting from the school where I have been a student of for an entire decade, but also my twenty-one classmates that have been by my side, experiencing this journey in the making. SD I will also be parting from my home of Stonington, CT next fall. CM In the first week of this coming September, I will pick up my belongings and move into a dorm at my new facility of education. CM I will be living there for the next four years, making Stonington my less used, but still loved home, as opposed to my only one. CM3 Although this change will be a major one in my life, my home will always be my home, even if I am technically living eighty-five miles away from it. CS In the next few months, I will be parting from many places, but these partings can only strengthen my bond with the people and places I am leaving behind.

Parting varies within the situation. Sometimes parting is only for a short time, while other times, it lasts forever. Sometimes parting only refers to the dead, while other times, it also refers to the ones who didn’t pass, but simply left. Sometimes the memories of the one who parted “linger,” while other times, they “disappear” into thin air. Either way, parting is a part of life, and although each parting may be different, it all gives you a reason to reflect.

Lydia's Essay 19

Lydia Schulz

Mr. H. Salsich

9 English

11 May, 2009

A Painful Goodbye:

An Essay on Two Poems, Parting, and My Life

        Sometimes, you have to part from someone, even though you know it will hurt you. And sometimes, someone else leaves you and never comes back; they simply disappear (Appositive). Are these the correct ways to part with someone, and if not, what is the proper way? This is a question that comes up in my own life more and more as we near graduation, and can be answered in the poems “Adios” by Naomi Shihab Nye and “My Life Closed Twice” by Emily Dickinson.
        In the poem “My Life Closed Twice,” by Emily Dickinson, the concept of parting is discussed particularly in the last two lines. The poem says, “parting is all we know of heaven, / and all we need of hell.” When you are in a theoretical hell, all you want is to get away from it. Parting from this ghastly state of mind is “all [you] need of hell.” But when everything is going well and you find yourself in “heaven,” you may never want to leave. This perfect place, this nirvana is all you have ever wanted. However, it is inevitable that you will have to leave this paradise and come back to the real world, a change that will not go unnoticed. This parting is all we notice of heaven, and it is this very severance(FAST) that we crave from hell.
        Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem is all about one word, which happens to be the name of the poem: “Adios.” As many people know, “adios” means “goodbye” in Spanish. We often associate this word with parting or saying goodbye to someone. In Ms. Nye’s poem about the word “adios,” she is saying that all the feelings of parting can be summed up in one five-letter word. About two-thirds of the way into the poem, Ms. Nye tells us to “think of things that disappear.” Ms. Nye is referring to a person who left, saying they would return, but they never did. Someone who promised to come back and to pick up where they left off, but they never did. They disappeared, never to be seen again.
        All year, I have feared the “parting” of our class, some of my best friends. When I think of the history we have with each other, it seems impossible that anyone could understand our bonds. As first graders, we were oblivious to the separation that lay before us, running around the playground, chatting happily about baby-bottle pops and pretzel sticks, and arguing over whose turn it was to use the space trolleys (Loose Sentence). Now, as middle schoolers, we race to touch our noses as a way to avoid cleaning the lunch table, throw together last-minute skits for language classes, and traipse (FAST) down the hallways, completely aware of the fact that we are indeed the rulers of the school. Next year, all this will change. We will of course have new friends to laugh and talk with, but the friendships will not be the same. We will have no one to reminisce with, no one to plot ridiculous student government campaigns with, and no one to joke with about how funny it would be if we stole the boys’ pants. I am dreading the day I have to say goodbye to the class of 2009 and leave Pine Point for good. I know I will have a blast next year at my new school, but my memories of Pine Point will always be tainted with some sadness. Our class, so strong and accepting, will never be one unit again (Periodic Sentence). There can be no doubt that after parting, the bonds of our class will not be the same.
        Perhaps parting does not have to be something sad. We can learn to take it in our stride and use it to make us stronger while still staying in touch with the ones we have left. In the coming years, I hope to stay close with the class of 2009, even after we have gone our separate ways. Our class is one of the closest, and we cannot let ourselves grow farther apart as a result of our new schools next year. We cannot and will not let our bonds break.

-Transitions-

-Special Tools-

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Self Assessment:

1. I like the purposeful repetition I used in this essay. I think it helped the writing to flow and to more clearly define the chunks. I also thought my FAST words were particularly good.

2. I didn't do a great job with the transitions. It was difficult for me to decide what qualified as a transitional phrase, and because of this, I think I may have missed a few.

Grade: B+

Sarah Essay 19

English 09

Sarah Shourds

Hamilton Salsich

4 May 2009

"One Sweet Day:"

An Essay on Two Poems and My Life

Death can be a hard topic for anyone to understand. Not only is it painful to lose someone, but it’s difficult to comprehend where they may be going, if anywhere. Emily Dickinson doesn’t understand the topic very well, but Naomi Shihab Nye can guide her with some wisdom in her poem “Adios”. In the song “One Sweet Day,” Mariah Carey and Boys to Men speak of the importance of a goodbye, and what It means to have lost someone without saying it. All of these relate to parting in many ways.

TS Parting is not an easy topic to conceive [FAST], and in the poem “My Life Closed Twice,” Ms. Dickinson doesn’t quite seem to understand it’s concept either. SD She speaks of “[her] life [that has] closed twice,” and how death is “so hopeless to conceive.” CM Maybe Dickinson has faced a near death experience, or a family death, and didn’t know how to handle it. CM Maybe Dickinson couldn’t figure out a way to open the door back into her life, and just couldn’t accept the hidden truth- death has seeped into her life. SD “Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell.” CM This is a very strong statement, with a very unclear meaning. CM It's simply saying that there is somewhere for everyone to go. CM May it be the nirvana everyone imagines, or the deep roots of evil, there is somewhere for everyone [Loose Sentence]. SD Even though she has been through death, she doesn’t quite know how to handle it. CM The word “parting” itself is “so huge [and] so hopeless [for her] to conceive”. CM “It yet remains [for her] to see,“ that death isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but a test to see if you fully understand how to let go. CS Because of her background, devotion to life, and lack of knowledge to the word “death,” Dickinson doesn’t understand the full meaning of a goodbye [Periodic Sentence].

TS In the poem “Adios” by Naomi Shihab Nye, she speaks of multiple ways to deal with goodbyes. SD Ms. Nye first says “[to] use it.” CM Hearing goodbye from someone can be quite difficult, but if you let that goodbye seep into your pores, and use it’s power to its full extent, you can change it’s power for your benefit. CM You can make a goodbye turn into a hello; if a friend says goodbye to you and never comes back, it opens a door to a new friendship with a new person [Periodic Sentence]. CM “Some[one] that said adios to you before knew what it meant” and “[knows] how long it was for,” so don’t let it get you down. SD Ms. Nye also says “[to] strap it to your back like wings”. CM A goodbye may bring you down and make you feel heavy, but Ms. Nye thinks you should make it like a “kite”- let it soar through the sky. CM Don’t let it weigh you down, but “rise out of sight” and bring the good out of your goodbye. CS Ms. Nye see’s the good in all situations, and thinks you should too. CS2 If someone says goodbye to you, don’t let that door close to your friendship- always know another door will open.

TS In the song “One Sweet Day” by Mariah Carey and Boys to Men, the pair sing about dying, and how “one sweet day” they “[will] be together.” SD Mariah say’s “sorry I never told you all I wanted to say[,] and now its too late to hold you, ‘cause you’ve flown away.” CM Unlike Ms. Nye, the pair have not learned how to say goodbye. CM They “never imagined living without [each other because] it keeps [them] alive.” SD Saying goodbye was the hardest part for them, but “[losing] so many friends along the way” helped ease her pain. CM It helped Mariah realize that he‘s “shining down on [her] from heaven” and helped her “look to a brighter day”. CM “Although the sun will never shine the same again,“ she has learned to say “goodbye” to him, because they will “eventually be together.“ CS If Ms. Nye was to give Mariah any words of wisdom, she would say this- “lessons follow[] lessons [and] silence follow[s] sound,” meaning the lessons she learned in life, like “[losing] so many friends along the way,” will help her get through his death, and later on, she will be able to say hello to him again.

As I think of the grief, and unfortunate events in my life, many things floated through my head- I must remember that my family members are in a better place and that a final “goodbye” could lead to a “hello” later on [loose sentence]. We must all learn to say “goodbye,” learn that death has an unclear, mysterious definition, and that no matter where you are, someone is watching you from heaven, guiding you with a light through your life. Goodbye’s will come when you least expect it, and you must know what to do when they do show up at your front door step. Learning to say “adios” will help you move on, forget the past, and start all over.


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Self Assessment

What are the strong points in this essay?

Despite what Ceilie said in my comments, I liked the quotes in the third paragraph. I think they fit in where they needed to be and helped the paragraph flow. I did take some out so it wasn't so "choppy," but otherwise I think they worked nice.

What was the hardest part of this assignment?

I think relating the word "parting" to Emily Dickinsons poem was very difficult. The poem itself was very confusing, and it was challenging to comprehend.

My Grade- B

Timmy's Essay 18

Timmy O’Brien
Mr. Salsich
English 9
27 April 2009

The Preemptive Strike:

An Essay on a Poem, a Short Story and my Life

1. Kindness is an idyllic thing in life; with it almost anything is possible because of the people by your side [loose sentence]. 2. Although, in order to obtain this blissful state, you must face a different type of occurrence. 3. This tends to be of a different status – one of pain and despair. 4. The poem “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye, the short story “Winter Dreams” by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and my life all compare to this in some way.

TS In Nye’s poem, many insights on kindness are revealed. SD She says that people cannot truly understand kindness until they “lost things” and they won’t comprehend sorrow until their “future dissolve[s] in a moment.” CM She says that, unless people “travel to where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road,” people will never understand the “tender gravity of kindness.” CM This all means that people must endure the hardships before they can be rewarded. SD Nye could have some advice for Dexter Green regarding this. CM At the beginning of the book, he has done nothing but prosper with his business and love life, so he fails and ends up unhappy in the end, but this is the best place to start. CM She would probably tell him to get back on his feet because when you have nothing to lose is the best time to start all over. CS Nye talks of starting with nothing and ending with many things, which can be applied to almost anything, including Dexter Green’s life.

TS In Fitzgerald’s short story, Dexter Green is a young man with a full life ahead of him. SD He starts out as a golf caddy where many of his co-workers are “poor as sin.” CM His father is quite rich from his grocery store, and Dexter caddies “only for pocket money.” CM He meets a girl named Judy Jones and falls into what he thinks is love, but it all ends in disaster – he becomes rich from a business but he loses Judy in the process, which ends in losing his happiness as well [loose sentence]. SD This contrasts with Nye’s poem perfectly. CM Nye realizes that you have to start low and end high, like selling stocks, but Fitzgerald brings Dexter in the opposite direction. CM As a result of not following the natural law of losing before gaining, Green is destroyed by his own regret. CS Green exclaims, “I cannot cry. I cannot care. That thing will come back no more.”

TS These two works connect to my life because I have to never give up – life gives you many things, and you should hold on to every one [appositive]. SD I must be wary [SAT word] of the bad things but accepting of the wise, purposeful, joyous, worthy things that life gives me [tetracolon climax]. CM As Nye says, “ you must lost things … before you know what kindness really is.” CM I have to deal with the deleterious [SAT word] “road blocks” before the good can come to me. SD For example, my team recently lost a lacrosse game. CM It was a big loss, by at least 8 goals. CM I have to use this advice and go to the next practice hoping for a win in the next game. CS The possibility of a “kindness” after the “future dissolve[s] in a moment” has to keep me going.

1. In the end, the act of adversity [SAT word] is more important than the kindness. 2. If one does not fall a little lower than normal, they will not fully understand and appreciate the seemingly meaningless act that can boost them up again. 3. One doesn’t understand the full happiness of life until they’ve experienced the full despair of it, and without the that, what are they left with? 4. A little excess happiness that has no real meaning to them?

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Self-Assessment

1. Q: What am I most proud of in this essay?

A: I am very happy with my use of quotes in this essay. I tried my best to be specific and avoid being vague as much as possible.

2. Q: What was the hardest part of this assignment for you?

A: I had a hard time finding the right places to put the special tools. Sometimes they are a bit bunched together, but I couldn't find any other openings for them.

Ceilie's Essay #18

Ceilie Moore

Mr. Salsich 

English 9 

April 30th, 2009

A Simple Act of Kindness:

 An Essay on a Poem, a Short Story and an Event in My Life

Kindness, an act of generosity or compassion (SAT Word), is more than than simply holding a door for a stranger, but something that can truly change someone’s life. In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “Winter Dreams,” the main character lives life according to the girl he loves’ feelings, rather than his own aspirations and is eventually left waiting for some form of kindness to save him from his misery. Not too long ago, I was faced with a situation that pained me so much, but simple gestures of kindness pulled me through and left me feeling thankful. In Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem “Kindness,” she defines what kindness really is and it has it’s own separate connections with a short story, “Winter Dreams” and an event from my life.


TS A poem about the simplicity of kindness and a short story about loss, hope and heartbreak wouldn’t seem to have much in common, but in fact they do. SD Although I don’t see any obvious connections between the two, I see hints of a relationship in short lines and certain phrases. CM For example, in the first two lines of “Kindness,” Nye says, “Before you know what kindness really is …/ you must lose things.” CM These wise words relate to Dexter Green because although the story ends on a sour, cliffhanging note, we know that Dexter has lost a lot, including opportunity to be successful, a fiancée and the love of his life, Judy Jones. CM3 We never find out whether or not Dexter receives an act of kindness after his losses, but we do know that because of what he has lost, he now has a greater knowledge of what kindness really is. (Loose Sentence) SD At the end of the first stanza, Nye says, “You ride and ride …/ thinking the bus will never stop.” CM This reminds me of “Winter Dreams” because for the first chapter of his life, Dexter is taken on an emotional roller coaster with Judy Jones, and her unpredictable lifestyle and emotions. CM Dexter often felt as though his “bus [ride with Judy] [would] never stop” and continue on in this dicey fashion. CS Even though the themes of these two pieces of literature show no clear relationship, within the stanzas and paragraphs, there are hidden lines that bond the two together, creating a connection.

TS There are both connections within the words, and outside the deeper meaning of the poem. SD This connection is between the two people that made these works happen-Naomi Shihab Nye and Dexter Green. CM It seems as though Nye vocalizes Dexter’s feelings about life, love, loss and learning through past mistakes (Tertracolon Climax) in a more poetic, symbolic way. CM Dexter felt his “future dissolve in a moment” and he “journeyed through the night with plans,” and it is clear in both these and other lines that Nye understands the life Dexter is living. SD If Nye were to ever give Dexter advice, she would advise him to be patient with life. CM She would remind him that with all the losses, come gains, which are even more beneficial than the things he lost. CM She would tell him that, “Before you know what kindness really is…/ you must lose things” and that once you are rewarded with that simple act of kindness, “[it] goes with you everywhere../ like a shadow or a friend.” CS There is not only a relationship between the themes of this story and this poem, but also between the main characters of the works, the author herself and the troubled soul being held back by his former love.

TS One distinct event in my life relates to both “Kindness” and “Winter Dreams. SD Two years ago, my grandfather passed away from cancer, and it put a lot of strain on my family. (Loose Sentence) CM While I lost someone who played such an important role in my life, I gained the knowledge of what it means to be genuinely kind. CM As I was going through this difficult time, people reached out to me and my family. CM3 They acted benevolent (SAT Word) towards us and tended to our emotional wounds, making the adjustment to not having my grandfather around much easier. SD This event also reminds me of the never-ending “ride” Dexter went on with Judy. CM For years, Dexter lived an inconsistent life, his emotions towards Judy changed erratically, and one moment they were in love, the next, they were both on separate paths with broken hearts. CM After my grandfather’s death, my feelings went on this roller coaster, unsteadily fluctuating. CM3 At first, I was torn inside, feeling mournful over my adversity (SAT Word). CM4 Soon, I learned to live without such sorrowful feelings about my grandfather, but once a memory of him popped into my mind, or an anniversary regarding his life showed up on the calendar, I fell back into the state of desolation. CS I haven’t experienced the pain of losing the love of my life, and on rare occasions am I graced with an act of kindness, and yet, a saddening incident in my life relates to both “Kindness” and “Winter Dreams.”

In the end, kindness is the ultimate gain from what one lost. It not only brings the person who lost something so special to them, a comforting feeling of happiness, but also something to look back on and realize how thankful they are. It is a simple act of kindness that can do something as special as brighten someone’s day, but it is also a simple act of kindness that can do something as great as get someone back on their feet after a terrible loss.

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Self Assessment

What Am I Most Proud Of In This Essay? 

I am proud of my use of the the writing tools. They were very difficult to blend into my sentences, but in the end, they are both used correctly and fit right in. 

What Was The Hardest Part About This Assignment?

The hardest part of this assignment was comparing the short story and the poem. The two works are nothing alike and it took me a while to really get into the deep meaning of each of them and yank out similarities between the two.